Nice to write you back !!
Today there is an entry that explains that phrase that has been heard so frequently: "we are what we think". Today I will explain you the process, the whys, and what can we do to change it. I hope this to be easy for you to apply, and something entertaining to read. Let's go!
The thought model is nothing more than a sequence of steps that I will explain you one by one:
1) Circumstances
2) Thoughts
3) Feelings / Emotions
4) Actions
5) Results
1) The circumstances:
Every day things happen in the world and around us. Things that we just can't control, and just happen: a partner yells us; we are in an endless jam; it's raining; our friends do things or do not do things at all; I was in a meeting with someone who was constantly interrupting me ... these are circumstances: demonstrable and objective facts.
And what happens to most of people is that they believe that what happens outside them, causes the feeling inside. That is, we feel this or that, because there's something from the outside that triggers our reaction. For example: I was stopped half an hour in a jam this morning: I can feel exasperated. If I wake up in the morning and it rains, I may feel depressed. If the day is sunny, it makes me happy. If I get interrupted constantly in a meeting while I speak, I can feel that my opinion is not valid. I have a meeting with my boss, which can make me feel anxious, embarrassed, shy, that puts me on the defensive ...
This is nothing but attribute a feeling to a circumstance.
And the reason why we can achieve this deduction about that circumstances do NOT really drive our feelings, it's in deed something evident: not everyone has the same feeling, same response, under the same situation.
Under the same circumstance of being in a jam, there will be people who are pissed all the time. But there will also be those who are relaxed, thinking in their things, singing, hearing the news.
What is the difference?
2) Thoughts:
Just as there are people who do not feel stressed in a traffic jam, there are people who feel good when talking to their bosses, who feel inspired only with the idea of explaining their projects and their ideas for improvement, without showing any hint of fear, embarrassment or anxiety.
That is, at the end the reality for us is what we think about that circumstance! The things are happening around us, and we are who define those experiences in our mind with a thought, a phrase, or an image.
If I'm in a jam and I think, "Well, there's nothing I can do. More time for me for thinking about my things for a little while longer". If I think like this, it will be impossible for me to be impatient or angry. I will feel relaxed and at peace.
If I work directly with my boss, every day, and each time I think: "What an stupid! She/He doesn't deserve this position! I'd do it much better blindly!"... Each time you have a meeting with your boss, you'll start feeling bad, aggressive, sick and in a negative state of mind.
If you think instead ... "Well, the truth is that I'm lucky at the end. She/He always listens to me and I understand her/his message without effort. She/He appreciates me a lot, I'm sure about that. She/He knows how much I like the things I do and how much I try to do my job well. She/He likes people who try to do things the best they can. She/He inspires me to be better "... it is impossible for you to be in any situation with your boss and stay in a huffy mood if you think these positive things about her/him. This can be applied for anybody.
If in a meeting I'm with a colleague who talks a lot (about the topic of discussion), I might think: "Glory lord, what an idiot, and he does not shut up! Everyone wants to talk and there's no way to silence him/her!..." Well, I'll feel pretty impatient, angry, and so on. .. if instead you were thinking this way: "Wao, he/she is great, knows a lot and wants to share it with all of us. We are lucky about having someone so proactive in the team, with so many ideas, so much to contribute with ... ", in that instant, you'll start feeling grateful and curious about her/his ideas.
Do you realize about the huge change? And how do we change the focus with which we look at situations? For this is the powerful part of the affair: "It is we who decide to think." Perhaps the meaning of life is simply this.
During the day, we can have 60,000 thoughts. But do not be overwhelmed by this, it is not about being aware of the 60,000 thoughts that cross our mind. But we can discard those that are not longer useful to us, those that do not lead us to the direction we want, or those who are making us lossing opportunities, or leading to the results that are simply not the ones we want to have.
Take air, we follow: D
3) Feelings and emotions:
From the way we think, we have already seen that we will have a feeling. And we also already know that this feeling is not dependent on what others do, or of experiences that are alien to you. What we feel comes directly from our mind: it is the importance or meaning that we give to an external fact, a circumstance, which will make us feel in one way or another. Remember that when it is a rainy day, most of people is depressed. But there is people who is happy about that. It is not bad weather: it is only weather. ;-) How you react about it, comes from your own thinking.
It's that simple.
You have total authority and control over your emotions. That is, you do not have to wait for the world to change around you to feel better, or satisfied, or happier. Surely you have thought it over and over: "When I change of job, I will be able to evolve", "when I lose 10 kilos, I will be happier", "I am unhappy with my partner, when I separate from him, I will be happy" ... We believe so. We really do. The only way we think we can feel better is JUST when our external circumstances change, but dear ones, we already know that this is not true. Your emotions, your happiness, is your responsibility. And from no one else.
Is it scary, eh? Many people prefer to ignore that responsibility, and leave it in the hands of life, destiny, luck ... Because suddenly to assume that you are the only one responsible for feeling how you feel, is something heavy. It's always easier to blame the rain if my day was a crap.
4) Action
We have already learned where our feelings come from. Now we will see that our feelings dictate how we act.
If I feel happy, I will smile. I will be charming to others, I will listen to them, I will look into their eyes, I will catch them and I will inspire them. If I am angry, I will not listen. I will not look people in the face. I'll be rude, and.. all that kind of things.
How do you behave when you feel frustrated? There are people who shut up and bow their heads, there are those who break dishes, there are those who cry, who picks up the guitar and sings, who shouts, who argues with the first person who sees ...
And so, how you feel, naturally condition your behavior. Our actions are also our responsibility. I do not like that because I have a bad day, I have the right to treat others as I feel like, or to insult, or to shout. If you are angry, there are plenty of tools to calm yourself down, but do not pay with the others. Others are not blamed about you feeling this way, much less your actions. Only you are responsible for how you feel and how you act. The sooner you assume it, the better: what you do is not related to what others do or undo. Assume your behavior.
And so we get to the last point !!
5) Result:
The results, the last step of the thinking model, always corroborate the original thinking.
An example: If I am a jealous person> Thinking: my partner is not interested in me, and he\she is thinking about leaving me and going for another person> Feeling: anger, sadness, fear ...> Action: I discuss, insult, manipulate, try to control my partner ...> Result: my partner has left me, because I could not stand my jealousy. And so I will corroborate the initial thought: see? I was right, he wanted to leave me.
It is a very illustrative example, right? And it applies absolutely to everything: in the end we will see what we have thought from the beginning. And this applies to the opposite side:
Another example: I garantied enough space to my partner to be himself> Thinking: if I want him to respect my dreams and projects, I have to respect his too> Feeling: happy to see him fulfilling his dreams and goals> Action: I encourage you to move forward with everything that you propose. > Result: my projects are also supported by him. I have 100% of his support. And he has mine too. You see? I was right from the very beginning.
That is, the way we think is going to trigger the outcome that we think is happening. No more no less. Even more, that result will become an evidence for the original thought (as I have shown you in the two previous examples.) So if we want (and we do) change certain outcomes, the only solution is to change what we choose to think about it .The solution occurs here, and not because of the change of work, couple or house.
If I had to summarize this entry briefly, I would tell you that success or failure has to do with what we say to ourselves, in our minds; And almost nothing to do with the circumstances that surround you.
When you say that if you want to see a change in the world, you have to change yourself, it is essentially this. Do you imagine that all the people on the planet knew about this, and put it into practice? If this were taught in schools. If we were taught at home. If we apply these lessons, every day ...? The next time you wake up and see that it is raining, remember the gardener who is happy that his plants are watered.
There is not good or bad weather. It is only weather, remember that.
See you soon, folks!
Comentarios
Publicar un comentario